You’ve been rejected.  That’s right – turned down, not picked, turned away, let go or left out. 

If you’re like me and someone tells you something hugely disappointing, you want to yell out, “That’s not fair!”  Afterall, why don’t they want to play with ME, right?!  You’re suddenly whisked back to your school days and picking teams for tether ball and no one has picked you, or you’re off the team and someone else is in your place. 

It happens all the time, whether it’s work-related or personal.  A great guy you met didn’t call like he said he would.  Your friend cancels at the last minute.  Someone less qualified gets a promotion over you.  You’re let go for no reason other than they decided to try a fresh face in the position.  You’re stood up.  You produce a great body of work and they use someone else’s.  “That’s not right!” you say.

Ah…you’ll come up with a million reasons to explain how the choice could have been made, but in the end, you still have to live with it not being you.  Here’s a few suggestions to make it go down more smoothly.

- Buoy your self-esteem.  Start with a short period to just feel your disappointment and maybe anger.  Then realize that most of your emotional response is because you’re making it mean something about you.  Truth is you either have to behave differently to get a different result, or it didn’t have to do with your behaviors at all.  If that’s true, then don’t beat yourself up and find a way to grieve and move on.  But it’s possible you had had certain expectations and the other person(s) didn’t meet those because your agreement wasn’t clear to begin with.  Ask yourself if you were operating on any false assumptions.  Forgive yourself and don’t dwell on your mistakes – improve them. 

- Review the situation.  What, if anything, could you have done differently – or was it unavoidable?  Can you make a change so this won’t occur in the future, or was it out of your hands?  Can someone explain to you the reason for the change so you have a better idea of how to improve?  What they say may make sense, even though you may not like hearing it.  You just have to accept it.  Part of your situation review has to be putting the whole scene into the big-picture perspective.  How important is your participation in this anyway?  You always have other options.

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