Often life can take that unexpected twist in the road, you can fall short of your expectations, or something as simple, but intrusive, as catching a cold can interrupt your plans.  It seems these things happen just when you have a project due or a big event to attend.

In my case, my recent cold prevented me from attending a 60th bash for the only sister-in-law on my husband’s side of the family, and it was a somewhat formal affair we’d been looking forward to.  I had to stay home from the out of town event and despite just wanting to crash, I spent a good part of the first morning  cancelling and rescheduling appointments, just to allow me the downtime to get well.

In the past, I’d have fought being laid low and would try to squeeze in as much as I could anyway.   However, I’ve been learning from my past blunders in doing this it only prolongs my sick time and I knew that bouncing back more quickly meant surrender and acceptance of how things were now. (more…)

We welcome home our new pup. Here is our “Tula” (balance in Sanskrit).

It occurs to me my mother should be writing this instead of me, after all, she raised eight children and was often left at home with us all while Dad worked outside the home, so I know I’ve gleaned some of this wisdom from her.   Thus, one cause for feeling unsettled, surrounded by crazy people, or trapped, is what occurs in your environment.  It could be there is excessive noise, super high-energy, a sense of confusion or chaos, or different behavior styles present.  (We used to say visiting our home when we all lived together was “like being at grand central station”).  

At other times your upsets can be driven by time pressures (self-imposed or imposed by others), strong differing views with others, your own fixated limiting beliefs or your attachment to things being another way than how they are.  There are certainly many challenges to maintain a focused, balanced, and calm approach to living.

So whether it’s a work or home situation, or even someone(s) who are contributing to your lack of peace, here are four ways I’ve found to center myself and help me deal with my situation to maintain my sanity:

1.  Take a walk or ”bathroom break”.  When you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, frustrated or confused—even forced to make a decision you’re not ready to make—politely step away and say you’ll return in a moment, “you need to use the restroom.”  If you can’t got outside for some fresh air, you can actually go sit in the bathroom and compose yourself or your thoughts.  It’s amazing how even a short break can restore you, helping you feel centered and able to better cope with your situation.

2.  Listen more than talk (or defend)  If you’re interacting with someone and finding your energy becoming depleted or you find yourself getting caught up in defending your point of view, stop and actively listen instead.  Best not to use this silent time to gather your ammunition and prepare your next attack, instead use the silence to stay present to their words, breathe deeply from your lower belly to relax yourself, and wait till they stop and ask for your input.

3.  Set another talk time  It’s tough to be “polite” and remove yourself from a conversation when you feel irritated, wronged or even set on clarifying your view.   If you wait till you get entrenched in these emotions, it will often end poorly.  Instead, look for gentle ways to end the conversation and begin it later when you feel more grounded and ready to have it.  If you aren’t having a conversation where you are mutually respecting one another and giving time to share and listen to each other’s views, then try saying, “This isn’t the best time for me to have this conversation, and I’d like to talk with you about this _____.”  (offer “in an hour”, “tonight after work,”  “tomorrow afternoon” some reasonably specific timeframe to regroup and continue after you’ve both had time to gain some necessary perspective.

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• A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy movie full

It seems fitting in this time of celebrating our country’s independence and our collective efforts in maintaining those freedoms, that we should stop to look at what our efforts have provided us in our own career and personal development. As I encourage my clients to pause and reflect on what projects, programs, products, new careers or businesses, new partnerships or working staff, along with the personal achievements they launched and faithfully pursued to ultimate or ongoing success?I encourage YOU to do the same and celebrate yourself.

For me it has been quite a journey since launching my coaching business fulltlime in September 1995. There have been new programs, products, policies and peaks, all of which I’m proud of. I recruited a handful of experts to help me with my website, blog setups and their ongoing revisions, have experts helping me oversee my business accounting, my marketing efforts, and more. I’m also grateful for the work I do solo and the new clients in this past year who have trusted me to work with them on personal matters and in their careers.

So for yourself, take stock of your early launches and where those efforts have got you today and be grateful for the freedom and joy it has provided you! Hint: Begin with, “what are my favorite 3 accomplishments in the last year?”

It doesn’t seem possible that permanently changing behaviors that have been so entrenched for so long can really happen.  It can. 

About three years ago I began studies with the Lefkoe Institute.  Their vast work with thousands of clients throughout the world and in various industries proves the point of this cognitive and experiential process.  If you want to change your reaction mechanism to life, get rid of your negative beliefs.  For any given pattern of behavior you want to change there is a finite number of negative beliefs associated with them. 

These can be quickly eliminated as you “experience” yourself as the inventor of those beliefs (much like when you first got the concept of how to balance when you were little and learning to ride a bicycle).  You will get that you never saw those beliefs in the world to be true (even when you think you did) and that they’ve only existed in your mind (which gets changed through this process, with nothing else you need to do).  This sounds easier said than done, but the short process of identifying and eliminating beliefs has been valuable for my clients who want to make changes but keep getting stuck in their own limiting interpretations of themselves, others, or life in general.  Why carry around old baggage that stops you from confidently making changes?  (for more, see Beliefs work on my Services page)

What limiting behavior or belief have you tried unsuccessfully to change?