…You have tried and tried, for days and even years to work things out.  You’ve even got help.  But you’re still stuck. 
…There are good times, but there are mostly bad ones.
…You don’t think anyone can possibly know what you’re going through—and you feel alone.
…It seems like your world is crashing in on you, but you have to act as if it’s not to others you don’t want to worry.
…You feel trapped in your routine and can’t imagine how to find time to figure out next steps.
…You know you deserve something more, but you can’t help focusing on why you got yourself in this situation in the first place, and figure you must be to blame.  You think you are the one that needs to fix things. 
…Etc. Etc.

I had a client once who, while working on her career changes, kept mentioning how her husband wouldn’t support her making the work changes she needed.  She worked harder than he did, she said, and he was irresponsible with handling their money, yet he had the final say on how their money would be spent.  He doled out her meager allowance—from the money she made.  She was intelligent and competent, but somehow she felt he knew what was better for them than she did.

Since these concerns of hers continued to crop up in our coaching sessions, I suggested she make a firm commitment to talk with her husband about these matters and we talked about questions she might ask and we role-played a possible conversation.  I let her know that not dealing with her marital problems was inhibiting her career movement that she came to me for and more importantly, that she owed it to herself to be happy and live a fulfilled life.  I asked her if she felt it was time to decide whether or not to stay in the marriage and work on it, or not and she agreed it was.  

A few days later she emailed me that she was firing me for “telling her she should get a divorce,” something I never did.  Perhaps this action she took gave her a momentary sense of control and power over her life, but it no doubt didn’t change her relationship problems.

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