As I let go of another business project that I decided is not a valuable use of my time and other resources, I reflect on the process itself of “letting go.” There are those things, people, projects, places, to-do’s that we consciously choose to eliminate…this project is one of them. It’s wise to let those things go before you expend too much more energy on them. Then there are those minor things that fall away on their own because you really weren’t that interested in them and didn’t focus your energy on them to begin with. But what about those larger matters that are important that you don’t give your due attention to out of past fears or disappointment?

One of my husband’s aunts was married for 50 years and deeply in love with her partner. A woman in her early 70′s, she had been fun to be with and lively.  For the last four years she’s lived in a senior home with severe loss of memory and physical deterioration. Before she went into the home we used to talk with her about doing some of the things she’d loved to do so much with him and she had no interest in doing it on her own. It was sad for all the family to see her so dependent on what she had had that she was unwilling to live fully for herself.

I can’t help feeling that my dear aunt-in-law gave up on living for herself, gave up on living her own dreams. I don’t want to judge her in any way; I don’t know what she’s been thinking and feeling since her husband passed, but I do know that she began to fade when she became inactive and disinterested.  It causes me to question my own disappointments, what I may harbor as sad or hurt feelings, and to see if there is anything that I really wanted that I’ve given up on or am unwilling to try out.

The question you may ask yourself is, Are you complete with your life as it is and as it is not? In other words, are there hopes or dreams you had that didn’t manifest and have you moved on from those? What about people you longed to connect with but didn’t get to, or people or circumstances you want to disconnect from, but don’t? Are you resigned in having to relate to certain people or be in certain circumstances that are unhealthy, or are you dwelling on thoughts of missing out?

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This week an important change is happening in our family. Two senior members are moving into a retirement home. This has been an awkward, sensitive and patient change for a few years, in order to honor their timing and wishes. What has been difficult is the decision to leave a home that has been the family home and well-lived in for many years. This home is seen as the keeper of special memories and traditions considered so precious.

Aside from a myriad of details, a big challenge has been helping family to welcome this important change which involves a goodbye, a letting go of the way things were. We remind one another that the love and memories will go wherever each of goes and are not stuck in a building, in rooms in a house, or in any article left behind. 

It’s important when making changes to come to terms with your situation and surroundings and, if necessary, to let go of even the people you related closely to that you can’t bring with you into the new scenario. No one says changes are easy, but your pain and difficulty will always be equal to your degree of attachment, which is self-inflicted. As tough as it’s been with this change, it’s also been a blessing to help in this important transition and point up pros and work through any cons, all along listening to acknowledge individual values and choices to put things into perspective and to assist our family members to even look forward to what’s next.

Are you holding on to the way things are even if they’re not good, possibly preventing a more beneficial situation?