007 Live and Let Die ipod Whether now or at some time in your life, you longed to be a hero – someone who rose to a magnificient challenge and overcame it to the praise of others.  Or maybe you just wanted to stick out a little separate from the pack to be noticed and receive some modest accolades that assured you – you’re doing a good job!

It’s easy to look at the Olympian athletes and question how you’re not living up to your own potential.  If comparing yourself to them feels too grandiose, you can probably look around and name your everyday heroes, people who seem to manage it all so well, when you don’t.  You hold them in high esteem and compare yourself to them. 

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Anne McGee-Cooper, in her book, You Don’t Have To Go Home From Work Exhausted

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of trying to get ahead and please others.  These patterns of behavior and dependencies are a vicious circle that leave you unable to fufill on them all, while draining you.

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Do you catch yourself comparing yourself to others or trying to be “super X” and how have you changed that?

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I grew up in a large family.  From early days to pre-high school, I would sometimes sneak away when they were gathered at the breakfast or lunch table and lay on my bed and fantasize and theorize about life and my part in it.

I recently attended a training in Canada for a company I thought I’d join in partnership with.  While the training and materials were excellent, the company is in a newer business development phase.  Along with my coaching and consulting practice, I didn’t feel it would be valuable for me at this time to invest in helping build this business.  My decision stemmed from my values at this time.  Assessing decisions from our values is an often bandied around concept I feel we take for granted.  But when you take time to quietly assess choices from your values, the process is less confusing and time-consuming to reach your conclusion. 

While abroad I was invested in receiving, taking in, meeting people, learning the company’s facilitation model, and understanding the business.  When I returned, I had a few quiet days to assess the entire picture and gauge it against my value system.  Given other professional and personal key interests for me and my time and energy, this would not have been a good fit for me.

Values are a divining rod to point you in a clear direction.  They help you to gauge when you should push out more and when you need to let things come more to you.  At this stage in my life, balance is of utmost importance and I want to feel that I fully enjoy all aspects of my work and how it fits with my personal life.  While still active in marketing, I am far less in a driving mode than in earlier days.  I’m also well aware that while personal growth is a lifelong learning, there comes a point in your career where you and your offerings are good enough

and likely far better than you give yourself credit for.  To invest in this company now would have challenged this, requiring additional trainings and marketing.

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A few trusted individuals can help mirror your values back to you, as a few loved ones did for me.  But be careful not to confuse your values with someone elses.  These healthy conversations will then serve more as reminders of what you have already said is important to you, rather than add conflicting messages. 

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Start with a clear list of your top ten career values, personal values and relationship values and notice how they overlap.  If they differ, ask yourself some deeper questions to get at the truth for you.   Then use these values as your divining rod when making tough choices.  In doing so, you’ll always discover the gold!

Have you recognized that to define and trust your values is important in your decision-making?

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While I took a left turn to pursue entrepreneurial courses and my master certification in coaching, I had 9 classes lurking in the background to finish my Bachelors.   50+ and not crucial to my worklife at this stage, completing my Bachelors was not a priority.  But I decided it was a goal I had wanted to complete and I made it a priority to get it done.  Tonight I leave on a plane to New York to attend the commencement ceremony on Friday at my alma mater in New York.  (I took distance-learning classes).   I conquered the self-judgment that I should have done it earlier.  I’m looking forward to the celebration with my husband, parents and in-laws who are making the trip with me. 

Is there something in your life that you’re putting off because you think it’s too late?  I could quote several studies that prove our ability to learn new skills and abilities late in life, so don’t let the age issue fool you.  Start today.

Choose to take action on something you’ve been putting off that you’d like to do.  If it’s work-related, your satisfaction in completing it will affect your performance and if it’s personal, you’ll bring renewed energy to your work life.  Then, don’t forget to congratulate yourself for completing it!

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I write a column in my newsletter entitled, “Career/Life Symmetry.”  Topics here are meant to address both balance between one’s personal and professional life and one’s overall balance.  Sometimes though, we allow ourselves to get into segmented thinking about our lives and try to fix problems in only one area, not realizing how both our personal and professional lives are impacted by the same change.   

There are four overarching themes of balance which are our emotional, physical, spiritual and intellectual states of being.  So the question is, “can you be truly balanced in your life if your work life is running well, but not your personal life?” or visa-versa?  I don’t think so.

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I think at any given time we feel more balanced in one area simply because we don’t have problems directly confronting us in that area, yet try as we might to separate our thinking and stay focused where we are, concerns from one area will seep into the other.  To prevent this, we have to view ourselves and our lives more holistically and keep each of these four stages of our being healthy and renewed consistently – before problems occur.  This way, we’re more prepared to deal with upsets, will have a more acute sense of the crossover impact and how to correct it, and can more easily maintain a balanced life.

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Do you consider your life successfully “in balance” and, if so, what allows for that?

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