It’s hard to even give words to your upset, and you’re not sure you want to.  It’s so private and yet the weight of your concerns is so present for you that it feels as if everyone can see something is going on with you anyway.  You get good at answering, “oh, everything’s fine,” when you know it’s not.

I have a younger sister dealing with cancer right now.  I go about my life and it’s like a wave crashing against my brain that this horrible disease has hit so close to home. 

My family, all ten of us, are having emails fly between us.  We all believe she’ll come out of it well - we do.  Yet there are periodic reports that things are worse than we feared and our calm exteriors waver.  We’ll know more in a few weeks after her surgery.

I know many folks deal with crisis that are happening or have happened, and you have to continue to work or carry on with daily activities.  

Yesterday, another sister and I talked about hope and how much easier it is to have it when things are going well.  There’s evidence all around you in the world that things don’t always turn out the best for folks.  Our lives seem precarious and unexpected occurrences make us feel as if we’re not in control.  But here are a few things I know are helping me to stay focused and optimistic:

1.  Pray.  Even if you don’t believe in God, something put you here on Earth, and there is a powerful universal force at work that can alter the course of your circumstances at any moment. 

2.  Believe.  Have faith in a balance of nature beyond your imagination that is just and loving.  All is right in this mindset and heartset that gives you the strength to face any obstacle.

3.  Renew.  Look for ways to cry, laugh, dance, do what you love and be grateful for it.  Releasing pent-up emotions and tapping into joy, has a healing power.

4.  Share Modestly.  You need to share with others, but share with those you can trust.  Folks can’t tell what is going on with you even though you think they can.  So unless you’re prepared to answer lots of questions, talk with those you feel closest with and ask for them to listen without giving advice, or ask for words of support if you need them.  This opening with a few can help you stay focused and present when you’re with others.

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As I let go of another business project that I decided is not a valuable use of my time and other resources, I reflect on the process itself of “letting go.” There are those things, people, projects, places, to-do’s that we consciously choose to eliminate…this project is one of them. It’s wise to let those things go before you expend too much more energy on them. Then there are those minor things that fall away on their own because you really weren’t that interested in them and didn’t focus your energy on them to begin with. But what about those larger matters that are important that you don’t give your due attention to out of past fears or disappointment?

One of my husband’s aunts was married for 50 years and deeply in love with her partner. A woman in her early 70’s, she had been fun to be with and lively.  For the last four years she’s lived in a senior home with severe loss of memory and physical deterioration. Before she went into the home we used to talk with her about doing some of the things she’d loved to do so much with him and she had no interest in doing it on her own. It was sad for all the family to see her so dependent on what she had had that she was unwilling to live fully for herself.

I can’t help feeling that my dear aunt-in-law gave up on living for herself, gave up on living her own dreams. I don’t want to judge her in any way; I don’t know what she’s been thinking and feeling since her husband passed, but I do know that she began to fade when she became inactive and disinterested.  It causes me to question my own disappointments, what I may harbor as sad or hurt feelings, and to see if there is anything that I really wanted that I’ve given up on or am unwilling to try out.

The question you may ask yourself is, Are you complete with your life as it is and as it is not? In other words, are there hopes or dreams you had that didn’t manifest and have you moved on from those? What about people you longed to connect with but didn’t get to, or people or circumstances you want to disconnect from, but don’t? Are you resigned in having to relate to certain people or be in certain circumstances that are unhealthy, or are you dwelling on thoughts of missing out?

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Another Halloween is here, the time for acting out our childlike behavior in ways that scare us and others.  But Halloween isn’t the only time we seek spine-tingling thrills.   In 2008, scary films grossed $294,256,870 according to the-numbers.com.  Frightening rides like rollercoasters and extreme sports are a few of the ways we scare the breath right out of ourselves.  (Even yours truly foolishly accompanied my brother on his third ride on the very scary rollercoaster at California Adventure, because it was my older brother prodding me to accompany him, afterall).   

What is it about being temporarily terrified we seem to love so much and yet, the loss of a job or a change in our routine can scare us to death?

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This is due to not having the necessary infrasture in place, but it’s also due to having insufficient confidence in your employees or team members.  Technical skills are necessary, but not if you find yourself too often handling many details of your job, in which case you’ve  created yourself as indispensable to the project getting done.  This makes it pretty tough when you want to take a vacation or turn the project loose.  You’ve created yourself as the team and the team leader.  So, why should others rise to the occasion and be as enthusiastic or generative as you?

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