You can be frustrated or angry that you weren’t picked to work on a project or work with a client, or you can look ahead at what to do for the next time.  Here’s a few things that work:

1.  Be eager, but not too eager  Looking too hungry for anything is a turnoff and shows a lack of self-confidence rather than your passion for the work. 
2.  Be visible, but not too in their face  I once had a friend who showed up at a smaller company she wanted to work for and asked questions of the receptionist, including showing her resume and stating her interest to meet the manager.  The receptionist told her they weren’t interviewing anyone, but my friend requested a short conversation with the manager anyway in a polite and professional way.  She wasn’t rude, demanding or even over the top.  She was prepared to leave if there wasn’t going to be an opening for this.  The manager overhearing the confident woman at the front desk, poked her head around the corner to see who this enthusiastic woman was.  My friend got an interview and was later hired.  
3.  Be informed, but don’t overdue it  Stay current through social networking, top industry blogs, top newsletters and newspapers, to know leading news about your client’s industry changes.  For example, a client of mine was a marketer.  She had a big client whose popular cosmetic line she marketed.  When I located two key articles about competitors to her client’s company and new promotions they were offering, I passed it on to my client.  This was unexpected “beyond the call of duty” service and my client acknowledged it and was grateful to be able to share the information to her client.  I didn’t barrage my client with articles or information, but was able to provide something helpful that showed I had her best interests at heart and was thinking of her mid-sessions as well.
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Recently I met a lovely woman who I overheard telling someone she was laid off from her job.  I introduced myself and told her I’m a coach.  She shared her business card with me and it said she was a “Personal Coach.”  I said, “Oh, that’s the work I do as well as career coaching.”  She told me she’s not really a coach.  She’d been in sales and is good with people and lots of friends ask her for advice, so she had the cards made up.   Hmmm.

Her background was in education and I suggested that she might want to seek the training to become a coach and work with clients in the education field.  I told her about another woman I know who successfully transitioned from being a teacher to coaching folks in education.   But this woman implied coaching isn’t a field she’d be interested in fulltime and said, “I really do it for fun.” 

Of course I didn’t tell her about the time and money I’ve put into becoming a master certified coach through The Hudson Institute and the International Coach Federation, or that I have a business administration degree.  I didn’t tell her about the continuing education seminars and conferences I attend and my extensive library of business books and self-growth readings.  I didn’t tell her I’m in my 16th year of coaching.  That would have appeared arrogant and been rude.  But I have to wonder…

Wouldn’t it be more ethical and more clear for her to be available to assist her friends without formality and not position herself as someone with the training and expertise she doesn’t have?  

It will be much better when this coaching industry is state regulated to make it easier for clients to know just who they’re getting – and even why they may get mixed results in working with different people.  In the meantime, buyer beware.

Cynthia launched into the room, all pumped with energy, her flyers in hand.  The meeting room was already crowded.  She immediately arranged her three flyers on the nearest promotion table, even though there was scarely any space.  She combined someone else’s flyers into another person’s pile to make room for her own to be splayed out. 

She’d made sure her wallet had plenty of business cards before she left the house and she added several to the table too.  Cynthia thought it was okay to place them on top of another person’s flyers.  “Afterall, he’s in carpet cleaning, so everyone can tell we’re two different businesses.  And, with my photo on my cards, I’ll stick out.” 

Looking ever the part of the consummate professional in her new pants outfit, even though she had few clients and no current prospects for more, she eagerly jumped into an existing conversation with a small group nearby.  She began with a long introduction of herself, not noticing the awkward looks on their faces since she’d interrupted someone mid-sentence who had been talking. 

When it was time to give her 30-second business introduction, she went over the alloted minute per person.  The meeting leader had to ring the bell twice on her, but she didn’t pay any attention, and kept on with a few more sentences before finishing and walking to her seat.  ”I pay for these meetings,” she thought, “and 30-seconds is no where enough time to tell everyone all I do.”

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There are times when you have a good idea and suddenly others will turn to you and agree that it’s good and pat you on the back.  ”Terrific!  Now run with it,” they seem to be saying.  But maybe that’s not what you had in mind.  You may have hoped for more support and perhaps more of a team approach.

When unexpected responsibility calls your name, how do you proceed?

- Saying No Gracefully You can decide not to do it, which is tough after all that praise.  But it’s better to give up the spotlight than take on something you will fail at if your heart and mind are not into delivering on your own good idea.  Better to let this one go and move on to an idea you can get behind. 

I once initiated a video project, including writing the script, the marketing plan, and recruiting a partner.   My partner lived  in another state.  While it was possible to make the project work, the time involved for filming and getting the materials back and forth to each other was more than I’d thought through.  I soon realized it would not be an effective  use of my spare time and I had to talk with my partner and let the idea go before we set it in motion.  Turns out she was overextended with other projects and fine with letting our project go.

- Don’t Strike While the Iron is Hot  So many of us get great ideas that we’re passionate about before thinking it through more fully.  What do you want the end result to look like?  What will it take to get there?  You’re already launching and don’t even know what your aim is.  Unfortunately, lots of good ideas get killed off this way.  Write down your idea, the pros and the cons.  Talk it over with a close friend, advisor or coach.  But don’t start investing time, resources and energy before you’ve flushed it out sufficiently to know this is a responsibility you want to take on.

Part of the reason I became a coach is because I’ve seen too many good ideas others have not bear fruit.  Most of the time this is because their attention (and resources) were divided because they didn’t know enough about what they were getting themselves into.  The Internet has vast resources to support you getting the info you need to help you make more informed decisions.  Also, learn from those with experiences similar to what you want to do.

- Look for Recruits  Immediately when you’ve been elected, start making requests and putting your leadership and support team in place.  If you’re at a group meeting, before everyone disbands, speak up and make requests for who will handle various aspects of the project.  Ask them how and when they’ll offer you feedback.  Move into the role of leader coordinating others handling various aspects of the project, whenever you’re launching a good idea.

I recently started a women’s singing group and recognized that having a rotating “Host” at each of our rehearsals was key to me managing details effectively and setting the tone for joint leadership.  It has been an effective strategy.

The next time you have an unexpected responsibility, consider the source too.  Perhaps it’s someone else trying to offload their responsibility.  It could be they’re simply relieved to find a point person and you were the first warm body that came by.  If you do take it on, know clearly what is expected and whether or not you can deliver this.  Even when things are going well, develop backup plans plans.  You may thoroughly enjoy having the spotlight, but that doesn’t mean you should do it all yourself.  Do the parts you love as much as possible, and find others to help you with the rest.

It’s hard to even give words to your upset, and you’re not sure you want to.  It’s so private and yet the weight of your concerns is so present for you that it feels as if everyone can see something is going on with you anyway.  You get good at answering, “oh, everything’s fine,” when you know it’s not.

I have a younger sister dealing with cancer right now.  I go about my life and it’s like a wave crashing against my brain that this horrible disease has hit so close to home. 

My family, all ten of us, are having emails fly between us.  We all believe she’ll come out of it well - we do.  Yet there are periodic reports that things are worse than we feared and our calm exteriors waver.  We’ll know more in a few weeks after her surgery.

I know many folks deal with crisis that are happening or have happened, and you have to continue to work or carry on with daily activities.  

Yesterday, another sister and I talked about hope and how much easier it is to have it when things are going well.  There’s evidence all around you in the world that things don’t always turn out the best for folks.  Our lives seem precarious and unexpected occurrences make us feel as if we’re not in control.  But here are a few things I know are helping me to stay focused and optimistic:

1.  Pray.  Even if you don’t believe in God, something put you here on Earth, and there is a powerful universal force at work that can alter the course of your circumstances at any moment. 

2.  Believe.  Have faith in a balance of nature beyond your imagination that is just and loving.  All is right in this mindset and heartset that gives you the strength to face any obstacle.

3.  Renew.  Look for ways to cry, laugh, dance, do what you love and be grateful for it.  Releasing pent-up emotions and tapping into joy, has a healing power.

4.  Share Modestly.  You need to share with others, but share with those you can trust.  Folks can’t tell what is going on with you even though you think they can.  So unless you’re prepared to answer lots of questions, talk with those you feel closest with and ask for them to listen without giving advice, or ask for words of support if you need them.  This opening with a few can help you stay focused and present when you’re with others.

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