We’ve all met the “Sue Sylvester,” the bully who has their own agenda and wants to push us around till they get what they want.  (Sue is the girls’ cheerleading squad coach on Glee, if you’ve not seen that t.v. show).  A few of the common bullying traits you will experience, or may be experiencing now are:

1. Aggressive behavior that is often rude, inappropriate, and many times over the top. 
2. A frequent urge to add shock value so those around them are awed, even if the attention they get is negative.
3. An overblown sense of themselves and their accomplishments, while underneath they have fragile egos.
4. A strong need for recognition, but it’s reward is only temporary for them.
5. Their power is fed by the faction of people around them who frequently respond to their requests out of intimidation, yet they don’t respect these people.
6. Poor tolerance for anyone’s excuses, because they feel no one cuts them any slack.  (the victim, though they victimize)
7. Awareness that the people who support them are  just trying to stay on their good side, stand to gain by their wins, and/or hope to convert them, so they often feel alone and act independently.
8. Can generate big wins, though they often steamroll over people or other projects to get there.

What can you do in your dealings with someone like this?  If you continue to do the right thing and use ethical, courteous behaviors that follow certain timelines or procedures, face it, you will threaten their tough guy “eat or be eaten now” approach.  Regardless, your best approach is to stand firm in your confident choices and behaviors, even if it means you now have an enemy you didn’t create.  

It is frustrating when bullies get their way easily if they have gone around policies and procedures that you’ve painstakingly followed, delaying your wins.  But just because they can push their way to the top of the hill doesn’t mean they won’t be the first one to fall off it.  Even if you’re not there to witness it.

Even so, don’t look for them to fail, don’t focus on them at all.  Stand your own ground, while being bottom-line and professional in any interactions with them.  They may even target you more and try to bring you down, as Sue does the Glee Club’s coach, Will.  But don’t be so easily knocked off course and don’t show them at any point that their intimidation practices are getting to you, as they may have a tendency to dig in harder.

Whenever possible, avoid someone with these character defects or keep a low profile.  When you have to deal with them, don’t take things personally or let it affect your own performance.  Get your encouragement and support from yourself first and then others you can depend on that have your best interests at heart.

Today I go and get my breasts individually squeezed between two, cold metal, vise-style clamps. I typically walk away pink and tender. Yet, this is the best devised machine for early detection of breast cancer – go figure. Okay, I’m grateful for a procedure that can alert me to a possible health problem.  So suffice it to say this is a necessary evil.

Sometimes you have to face less pleasant experiences, where avoiding them might lead to more serious problems.  You could face a whole host of problems you could have more quickly dealt with if you hadn’t procrastinated.  It’s also commmon to find after something you dreaded doing, that your effort output and the experience itself wasn’t as big of a deal as you thought it would be.

I also find that if I don’t use regular health maintenance and get sick, not only do I suffer, but those around me who have to pick up my work load and responsibilties do too.  It’s typically caused by my not taking precautionary steps to care for myself.  Now when I get a cold, I look at how I didn’t slow down when I felt beat and didn’t say no to things that overspent my energy and ran down my immune system. 

The trick is to not only be aware of your behaviors, but change them before sickness occurs.  Men tend to be less present to their need for regular self care and push through, while women are generally better at this, yet still caretake others first, even when they’re aware they are tapped out. 

Rest is a necessary evil,  because it can re-energize you, though you have to give up something in your busy schedule to make room for it.  Or, in my case, stop to go have a mammogram which displaces other things I’d rather do with my time.  I’ve decided it’s important to take this action and go through this minor inconvenience for its beneficial results.  And when it’s not immediately apparent that taking actions will result in a positive benefit, it is character building and strengthens your muscle to self motivate.

What actions are you not taking, but are a “necessary evil?”

You can be frustrated or angry that you weren’t picked to work on a project or work with a client, or you can look ahead at what to do for the next time.  Here’s a few things that work:

1.  Be eager, but not too eager  Looking too hungry for anything is a turnoff and shows a lack of self-confidence rather than your passion for the work. 
2.  Be visible, but not too in their face  I once had a friend who showed up at a smaller company she wanted to work for and asked questions of the receptionist, including showing her resume and stating her interest to meet the manager.  The receptionist told her they weren’t interviewing anyone, but my friend requested a short conversation with the manager anyway in a polite and professional way.  She wasn’t rude, demanding or even over the top.  She was prepared to leave if there wasn’t going to be an opening for this.  The manager overhearing the confident woman at the front desk, poked her head around the corner to see who this enthusiastic woman was.  My friend got an interview and was later hired.  
3.  Be informed, but don’t overdue it  Stay current through social networking, top industry blogs, top newsletters and newspapers, to know leading news about your client’s industry changes.  For example, a client of mine was a marketer.  She had a big client whose popular cosmetic line she marketed.  When I located two key articles about competitors to her client’s company and new promotions they were offering, I passed it on to my client.  This was unexpected “beyond the call of duty” service and my client acknowledged it and was grateful to be able to share the information to her client.  I didn’t barrage my client with articles or information, but was able to provide something helpful that showed I had her best interests at heart and was thinking of her mid-sessions as well.
(more…)

Recently I met a lovely woman who I overheard telling someone she was laid off from her job.  I introduced myself and told her I’m a coach.  She shared her business card with me and it said she was a “Personal Coach.”  I said, “Oh, that’s the work I do as well as career coaching.”  She told me she’s not really a coach.  She’d been in sales and is good with people and lots of friends ask her for advice, so she had the cards made up.   Hmmm.

Her background was in education and I suggested that she might want to seek the training to become a coach and work with clients in the education field.  I told her about another woman I know who successfully transitioned from being a teacher to coaching folks in education.   But this woman implied coaching isn’t a field she’d be interested in fulltime and said, “I really do it for fun.” 

Of course I didn’t tell her about the time and money I’ve put into becoming a master certified coach through The Hudson Institute and the International Coach Federation, or that I have a business administration degree.  I didn’t tell her about the continuing education seminars and conferences I attend and my extensive library of business books and self-growth readings.  I didn’t tell her I’m in my 16th year of coaching.  That would have appeared arrogant and been rude.  But I have to wonder…

Wouldn’t it be more ethical and more clear for her to be available to assist her friends without formality and not position herself as someone with the training and expertise she doesn’t have?  

It will be much better when this coaching industry is state regulated to make it easier for clients to know just who they’re getting – and even why they may get mixed results in working with different people.  In the meantime, buyer beware.

Cynthia launched into the room, all pumped with energy, her flyers in hand.  The meeting room was already crowded.  She immediately arranged her three flyers on the nearest promotion table, even though there was scarely any space.  She combined someone else’s flyers into another person’s pile to make room for her own to be splayed out. 

She’d made sure her wallet had plenty of business cards before she left the house and she added several to the table too.  Cynthia thought it was okay to place them on top of another person’s flyers.  “Afterall, he’s in carpet cleaning, so everyone can tell we’re two different businesses.  And, with my photo on my cards, I’ll stick out.” 

Looking ever the part of the consummate professional in her new pants outfit, even though she had few clients and no current prospects for more, she eagerly jumped into an existing conversation with a small group nearby.  She began with a long introduction of herself, not noticing the awkward looks on their faces since she’d interrupted someone mid-sentence who had been talking. 

When it was time to give her 30-second business introduction, she went over the alloted minute per person.  The meeting leader had to ring the bell twice on her, but she didn’t pay any attention, and kept on with a few more sentences before finishing and walking to her seat.  ”I pay for these meetings,” she thought, “and 30-seconds is no where enough time to tell everyone all I do.”

(more…)