As I let go of another business project that I decided is not a valuable use of my time and other resources, I reflect on the process itself of “letting go.” There are those things, people, projects, places, to-do’s that we consciously choose to eliminate…this project is one of them. It’s wise to let those things go before you expend too much more energy on them. Then there are those minor things that fall away on their own because you really weren’t that interested in them and didn’t focus your energy on them to begin with. But what about those larger matters that are important that you don’t give your due attention to out of past fears or disappointment?

One of my husband’s aunts was married for 50 years and deeply in love with her partner. A woman in her early 70’s, she had been fun to be with and lively.  For the last four years she’s lived in a senior home with severe loss of memory and physical deterioration. Before she went into the home we used to talk with her about doing some of the things she’d loved to do so much with him and she had no interest in doing it on her own. It was sad for all the family to see her so dependent on what she had had that she was unwilling to live fully for herself.

I can’t help feeling that my dear aunt-in-law gave up on living for herself, gave up on living her own dreams. I don’t want to judge her in any way; I don’t know what she’s been thinking and feeling since her husband passed, but I do know that she began to fade when she became inactive and disinterested.  It causes me to question my own disappointments, what I may harbor as sad or hurt feelings, and to see if there is anything that I really wanted that I’ve given up on or am unwilling to try out.

The question you may ask yourself is, Are you complete with your life as it is and as it is not? In other words, are there hopes or dreams you had that didn’t manifest and have you moved on from those? What about people you longed to connect with but didn’t get to, or people or circumstances you want to disconnect from, but don’t? Are you resigned in having to relate to certain people or be in certain circumstances that are unhealthy, or are you dwelling on thoughts of missing out?

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Sometimes prospective clients investigate coaching with me because they are simply looking for open windows.  That is, they aren’t sure about the change or changes they want to make and they take steps towards an open window to see if there is anything there that will help make them clearer.  They are in the discovery phase and they want to run their ideas by someone who can understand where they are and hear themselves talk about it. 

It’s a healthy approach to consider your options with an expert who knows how to listen and feedback what they hear from you, so you can hear it with a fresh ear.  However, you may be someone who does too much window shopping, dragging out decisions or never even going in the store, letting time pass and waiting till frustration or forced circumstances cause you to act.

Someone once said to me when I was being indecisive about signing up for a program I wanted to do, ”you can certainly wait, but what will happen is more time will pass and the cost of this program will go up.”  That didn’t seem horrible, but it also put the delaying my goals in perspective for me.  I’d already been waiting to get started and make some changes.  I didn’t want to keep waiting – and I didn’t want to have to pay more.

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Every woman knows that getting rid of junk always feels good after the fact–that is, after the work has been done. It’s not always easy to set the time aside to clear out unnecessary items from your home or office, but these 5 reasons might give you career-development incentives to take the time to declutter, especially if you have been procrastinating in doing it:

1. Increases energy.  Any new change or improvement requires your energy, time and focus while launching new ideas or projects require your creative input to plan without forgetting any missing pieces.  Whenever you walk past that pile of unattended papers or sort through clothes in your wardrobe that don’t fit or are too tired looking, your brain tires. You can’t afford that drain when you’re looking to progress. Set aside a weekend morning or two evenings to plow through and discard as needed. It’s true it takes an initial output of energy, but your accomplished feeling will increase your energy when it’s done much like exercising initally is somewhat tiring, but then gives you an added boost of energy. 

2. Boosts confidence.  Piles of unfinished work are constant reminders of your stopping and starting, yet not finishing. When you’re trying to make a change, you need all the confidence votes you can muster to remind you of your ability to follow through and complete your objective.  The Fly Lady has a 15-minute at a time, step-by-step method to help you get started.  The Unclutterer also offers you a method to purge stuff.  If it’s clothing or other personal items you’ve not used in more than a year, think of those less fortunate who can use them more and donate them. 

3. Lightens your workload, minimizes distractions.  Don’t fool yourself by straightening and organizing piles, creating new email folders in your inbox to dump emails you think you’ll read later, or spreading out reading materials in different rooms so they don’t feel so overwhelming.  This creates twice the work because you haven’t distinguished de-cluttering from organizing and you’re revisiting information more often than you should.  Give books or magazines to your library.  Make one rule never to add a possession to your wardrobe or even your abode without discarding one item in it’s place.  Make a second rule to go through mail, newspapers and magazines a maximum of twice.  You will save time and alleviate distraction from your bigger goals.

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Plain as the nose on your face isn’t always that obvious, or we’d stop doing many things that get in our way…wouldn’t we?  

There is a sure way to career success which is to find out how you sabotage yourself and change those behaviors.  For example, you might have done all the right prep to obtain your next job or for the work needed at your existing job, but if you’re in your own way because of negative thinking that causes you to act unsure or unprofessional, then no amount of subject expertise is going to keep you on top and your employer happy.  Here are 6 ways you undermine yourself:

1.  You often think the problem is outside you.  (I can’t tell you how often coaching clients come to me to make changes, yet they believe most of their problems are due to the unfair treatment they receive from others.)  While this would seem to be an egotistical reaction, it’s often a result of poor self-esteem and trying to deflect fear of criticism or judgment.  Accept your responsibility for your career and what’s in front of you and you’ll be more than half way ahead of the game.

2.  You don’t have a clear definition of the scope of the work you’ve signed up for (or are signing up for) so you resent what appears as additions or changes.  Have sufficient conversation ahead of time with your customer (or whoever is managing you), so you get a clear picture of the project’s design (or role you need to fulfill) so by taking the work on, you are confident in your own expectations and the expectations for the work from others.   

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As kids, and sometimes still as adults, we dress up at Halloween in costumes and make believe we’re someone else – maybe a bold pirate, a spellbinding witch, an enchanting princess -whatever character we choose to portray, they usually have some kind of magic feel about them. We get to pretend that we’re stepping into the shoes of someone more capable or powerful than us, someone doing what we only fantasize about or enjoy play- acting like.

I remember dressing up for a school party as the Indian princess, Pocohantas, with some female traits of Hiawatha mixed in. I’d act strong and sure of myself, imagining my important job to help my people to make needed changes while having my own family.

Truth is we play many parts, including someone who regularly conjures up new connections and opportunities.  Even when we’ve got the training or experience needed in our career, it sometimes seems surreal that we’re in charge of a major project, handling important responsibilities, or performing in ways that set us apart and cause others to relate to us as experts and masters in our field. Isn’t this a shared similarity with our courageously competent, imaginary selves?

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