We welcome home our new pup. Here is our “Tula” (balance in Sanskrit).

I often have a lot going on, as I’m sure you do.  It’s not easy to get away and do something for someone else, take time away from my projects, my work or even my downtime.  But I can’t afford not to be generous with others.  It’s empowering for those I’m assisting and it’s important to periodically take the focus off my own achievement goals.  

Every time I’m there for another person, especially when doing so is inconvenient to my schedule, it puts me in their shoes for awhile.  In nudges me out of my world view and helps me gain a fresh perspective, which sometimes includes the recognition that any struggles in my life may not be as significant as I think they are. 

Being generous is recognizing another, validating someone, acknowledging your personal and work partners, being friendly – even to a stranger – and replying in an upbeat way for no particular reason.  Simply offering a kind expression in passing, such as, “enjoy your day!” can make a world of difference to someone and change their outlook.  You know this, because you’ve been the recipient of this kindness as I have.  So it’s great if you can make this a practice to remember to do in your daily interactions with others.  

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Last night I had a rich conversation with my husband.  We discussed things we want to change with ourselves and how we want to communicate more effectively with each other.  (We also talked about how extraordinary it is that we were talking about it at all and how awesome our marriage is).  Afterwards I felt satisfied, as if we’d reached another new level in our relationship and a new level of freedom within it. 

When we went to sleep, I dreamt I was flying.   I was not having difficulty lifting off or staying airborne, I wasn’t even flying low to the ground.  It was effortless.  I view this dream as an indication that I had released myself from some concerns I’d had and it lightened my load – literally allowing me to fly freer.  Whether you experience flying dreams or not, your psyche and your soul knows when you’ve let go.  To experience your own sense of freedom with communicating troubles in personal or working relationships include these practices:

1.  Appropriately time your conversations, so you are both receptive.  
2.  Talk after any period of upsets has passed and you’ve both cooled down.
3.  Caringly express your concerns or listen from that place when another is talking, with an intention to resolve matters.
4.  Avoid angry words or accusatory positioning, especially any known ”hot buttons” to strengthen your points.
5.  Be a good listener and not just a talker.  It’s okay to have quiet time during the discussion to process the information.

Keep your focus on the workability of your relationships which will prevent you from letting little issues bother you.  But when they do and you can’t seem to let them go or brush them off, find a suitable time to share about them and be caring in how you do it.  Always acknowledge each other afterwards for the gift of your mutual sharing and receptivity.

It’s not always easy to experience feedback as positive, especially when it’s all too accurate about the things we need to change about ourselves.  There are past times I’ve felt I was being interrogated and unfairly judged, but I’ve learned to approach business and personal feedback times with a more constructive outlook.  This openness to learning greatly helps to make my relationships with others and work itself go more smoothly. 

Here are five reasons to view feedback as a gift:

1. Let’s You See When You’re A Square Peg in a Round Hole  You may not be fitting in on a project or program, or with someone else’s style.  The worst part of this is you might not have a clue about it or have been too busy to notice.  Maybe you didn’t have the courage to ask about something that felt a little off and make the necessary adjustments.   Feedback stops the machinery, gives you and others time to reflect on what’s working or not and discuss how you can improve matters.

2. Grows Your Ability to Question Assumptions  Oftentimes you have a sense of how you are doing or how a project is going, but when others validate your assumptions as accurate, it grows your ability to question your own assumptions, make course corrections, get ahead of the curve with changes, and make sound decisions.  This is an important skill if you value both self-growth and professional growth. 

3.  Helps You Recognize Your Need for Others  Despite attempts by many who’ve tried to go it alone in life, human beings are born to interact and learn from each other.  Why would you want to make most changes if you were the only person who’d be impacted by those changes?  Trying to make changes in isolation doesn’t make sense.   You can and should avail yourself of the feedback of others to gain a fresh perspective, whether or not you think you know it all or can do it yourself.

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Last night I dreamt a tiger attacked me and two other women after our successful achievement.  Crowds waited to cheer us on, yet we were being taken to a hospital.  My associates were carried on stretchers and I walked into the ambulance.  It was then I noticed I had just a few marks on my leg and didn’t feel very hurt.  I remembered when the tiger attacked me, I had been strong and told it to leave me alone.

While I’m not facing any dramatic challenges at this time, the dream did make me think of past times where a person or situation brought up conflicting views and I felt challenged or threatened.   

Clients have come to me who are thinking to leave their job because of someone “negative” they work with.   While certain people will bring out a fierce spirit in you when their words or actions seem unjust or unwarranted, you are capable of reflecting back a patient, self-control to soften your communication style with them.  This can guide your feelings to a safe and manageable place.  Wouldn’t you rather do this than feel they are swinging you by your tail?

It’s at these times it’s important to reflect on those who listen to you and support you.  You are loved and appreciated by many, so why worry about the slights of one or two?  And if you have to work alongside someone with a challenging personality, your ability to find some kernal of goodness or positive quality in them, even if it’s how they handle something you’re not involved with, is a very useful method of helping you accept them and keep your focus on more important matters.

You can “have a tiger by the tail” if you put your situation in perspective and handle yourself well.  You’ll feel successful, happy, more in control of your situation, and able to walk away unscathed on your terms when you’re better prepared.