Sometimes you feel that no matter how much patience you exhibit, certain matters are beyond your control and cannot be easily fixed.  Things take longer than you want them to, people can be improperly trained and inefficient in dealing with your needs, phone numbers don’t work, deadlines aren’t met, clear communications are misunderstood, etc.

What can you do?

I know, like me, you may sometimes feel like you’d like to vanish or disappear someone else.  No matter how you try to keep your cool, someone can push just your right buttons so your blood starts to boil and any amount of professional calmness you started with becomes hard to hold onto.

An hour and a half rectifying miscellaneous flight charges with the airlines and my credit card company for a trip I’ taking tomorrow when I’m pressed to prep, was not part of my day’s plan.  It’s disappointing, and yet it’s what needed to happen to be clear about something or to someone, it most often can’t be avoided.  The old expression, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar,” is still the best way to handle matters and will cause people to ultimately respond to support you, vs. if you bite their head off.  (And on the bright side, I did create this blog while waiting on the phone).

To not let yourself get worn down or feel beat, consider that these incidents aren’t time stealers, but rather part of the normal occurrence of life.  Instead of getting disillusioned with it not flowing effortlessly, focus on accepting it as it is, vs. trying to be patient when it doesn’t go right.   Then notice how this switch can allow your patience to fall in line.  At least that’s what I’m working on, letting needless worries float on by and turning my attention to acceptance and to how I’ll restructure my day so that it will all work out — because doesn’t it usually any way?

COACH ASKS:  Am I accepting or resisting what’s occurring?  If I’m resisting, how might I take a break and revisit the situation once I’ve gained perspective on the matter.  i.e. Is it really a life or death issue?

Mother’s Day is a special day set aside to declare your love and support of your key female role model in your life.

Hopefully, your Mom was a positive influence.  Sadly, a few clients have told me that wasn’t true of their relationship with their Mom and I encourage them to send a prayer to her for her healing, whether she’s alive or passed.  And if this is your situation, then maybe you too can think of someone who has filled that mother role or been a positive support for you in your life.  It might be a teacher, a friend, maybe a work associate.  Whoever that may be, now is the time to give them appreciative thoughts and loving words.

If you’re able to celebrate your “Mom,” here’s a few suggestions:

1.  Make your time with Mom count.  There may be plenty of distractions or other activities, but let her know she’s the Queen Bee and listen to her and acknowledge her fully.

2.  Ask her to tell a story about her life that has meaning to her.  It may be her talking about memories with her own Mom.  When those distractions around you happen, bring the conversation back to her so she can fully communicate her story. (more…)

Okay, maybe your heroine isn’t Oprah, maybe its Ellen DeGeneres or Michelle Obama or even someone famous in history, like Harriet Tubman or Indira Gandhi.  But no matter how inspired someone may appear to us, they too have both their moments in the sun and those in the dark of the moon…those moments where they’re not representing themselves in their best light.

I had one of those moments a few days ago and had trouble at first seeing myself as part of the problem.  I was frustrated with a couple of associates and found myself wanting to back out of our relationship.  My expectations and feelings of being personally affronted overwhelmed any compassion for them.

I was sharing this with a mutual friend who fortunately set me straight.  I thought how those I was disappointed in were simply not ”on” at this time and while they may have personal growth lessons to learn, it’s my lesson to accept them and appreciate them now as they are.  I was having an “off” period when I held fast to them having to show up a certain way and not allowing them room to be themselves or make mistakes, be peculiar, or just different than me and how I’d do something.

The next time you’re being tough on yourself or others, keep in mind we all have unique strengths, gifts and qualities that can’t be compared to anyone elses, even those we hold to a high ideal.  True, sometimes relationships that aren’t healthy or helping us grow have to be ended.  But more often than not, it’s about acceptance of each other and facing the reality that we all have ”on” and “off” times, so we should temper our ideals and let the natural light shine through.

Job interviewers don’t always get the real you, no matter how well-dressed, assertive, or perfect you think you are for the job, they can still see what they want to see.  BUT, you can persuade them to look at you a little differently and remember you specifically from all other candidate interviewees.

To start with, have you done your homework on the company and know good questions to ask about its direction and how your qualifications fit that to a tee?  Have you learned useful information about your potential job role that you can relate to your experiences?  If you were unable to learn about the job responsibilities in detail before the interview, as the Interviewer discusses these, can you easily recall and respond with correlate job successes you’ve had?

Being well-versed on the company and the job you’d be doing are ideal to learn about prior to interviewing and can come from building alliances with former or current members of a company.  If this isn’t possible, than any specific questions you can ask before you arrive at an interview will better prepare you than having the Internet job announcement as your only reference.

Being aware of your environment as you walk into the interview may allow you to share a compliment about something, such as their high-tech cubicle arrangement, which you may find “impressively designed to capture the best lighting,” for example.  This can show you have an eye for detail and can appreciate the environment in which you work.  It’s especially helpful if you notice something related to your work.  But if this isn’t your forte, better to leave this area alone.

Relax and be yourself, but also be appropriate in your energy to the person you’re talking with.  If they’re very soft spoken and you’re loud or excited, this could be a turnoff.  Enthusiasm is appreciated, but it’s best express it moderately so as not to appear overeager or at worst, uncomfortable – which shines a weak light on your people skills. (more…)

My in-laws live in a senior home and are currently experiencing their second lockdown in a two month period, — no residents can leave their rooms or receive visitors.  Food is delivered to their rooms and all group activities are on hold.  This lockdown is due to a few of the senior residents contracting a severe flu and the Director deciding to control the virus from spreading.  While this seems like a well-reasoned prevention method, especially as it only lasts a matter of a few days, certain residents complain that they shouldn’t be so inconvenienced.  Some family members are unhappy about the lack of access to their healthier loved ones during this time.

This reminds me of so many other group imposed policies, including job site regulations, which are put into affect for the benefit of the greater population, but can cause hardships on certain individuals.

The reality is we live in a society, which Google describes as:

• “The aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community.
• The community of people living in a particular region and having shared customs, laws, and organizations.”

We are a network of individuals whose choices impact each another. (more…)