While I love writing blog posts, I’ve decided to give myself a two week break while traveling in Italy.  Maybe this is a good time to read through the posts on my blog site that you’ve missed and then share them with others too?!   “Ciao”   Laurie

…You have tried and tried, for days and even years to work things out.  You’ve even got help.  But you’re still stuck. 
…There are good times, but there are mostly bad ones.
…You don’t think anyone can possibly know what you’re going through—and you feel alone.
…It seems like your world is crashing in on you, but you have to act as if it’s not to others you don’t want to worry.
…You feel trapped in your routine and can’t imagine how to find time to figure out next steps.
…You know you deserve something more, but you can’t help focusing on why you got yourself in this situation in the first place, and figure you must be to blame.  You think you are the one that needs to fix things. 
…Etc. Etc.

I had a client once who, while working on her career changes, kept mentioning how her husband wouldn’t support her making the work changes she needed.  She worked harder than he did, she said, and he was irresponsible with handling their money, yet he had the final say on how their money would be spent.  He doled out her meager allowance—from the money she made.  She was intelligent and competent, but somehow she felt he knew what was better for them than she did.

Since these concerns of hers continued to crop up in our coaching sessions, I suggested she make a firm commitment to talk with her husband about these matters and we talked about questions she might ask and we role-played a possible conversation.  I let her know that not dealing with her marital problems was inhibiting her career movement that she came to me for and more importantly, that she owed it to herself to be happy and live a fulfilled life.  I asked her if she felt it was time to decide whether or not to stay in the marriage and work on it, or not and she agreed it was.  

A few days later she emailed me that she was firing me for “telling her she should get a divorce,” something I never did.  Perhaps this action she took gave her a momentary sense of control and power over her life, but it no doubt didn’t change her relationship problems.

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We’ve all heard the negative connotations of a brownnoser [this term comes from the notion that a subservient person kisses the backside of the person with whom he is seeking favor].  But aside from fully ingratiating yourself to another, there are times that warrant sticking out and making your presence known to your boss or your top client, going above and beyond the norm.  Here are some of those times for both corporate employees and entrepreneurs…

1.  You’ve been invisible.  It doesn’t take overly compliant behavior towards your boss or client to get visible, or certainly humiliating yourself, but it means you have to stretch some to  be noticeable.  Be friendly, interested, enthusiastic and available.  At all times be authentic, but you may feel inauthentic because you’re outside your comfort zone.  Be the first at a meeting and stay behind to offer final comments if it appears they’re warranted. Volunteer for only what you can handle, but don’t wait for others to grab the best opportunities, seek them out and try to position yourself for them before they’re dolled out.  Demonstrate willingness without being a nuisance.

Meet clients for lunch or coffee and have beneficial information for them at the ready to not only entice them to come, but so they leave satisfied.  In referring to how you could help them, try, “May I propose a few suggestions I’ve thought you might find helpful?”  Asking is always better than assuming you have permission to tell and now they’re primed better to listen too.  I don’t recommend to my clients that they try to buy their way in, but a birthday and holiday remembered by a card are one simple way to consistently stay noticed and it’s more personal than just your blog or information newsletter.

2.  You are ready to take on more challenges and responsiblity.  If you don’t make this known, it could be assumed you’re too busy or that the certain project isn’t up your alley.  Set a periodic meeting with your boss to discuss your progress on projects and share your new ideas, or see if your boss is willing to talk about what’s coming down the pike and listen to your input.  Be clear what your objective is…a raise, title change, or just new challenging work.  Make sure he/she knows you are at the ready to take on more and be sure you are too, by knowing just what it’ll take. 

Entrepreneurs, contact former clients to see what they’re working on and if there’s any way your services can assist them.  Don’t be a pest by leaving more than one voice message, especially ones asking for return calls.  Be persistent to reach your client yourself and have some consistency in how and when you stay in touch.

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No matter how attractive you find someone you’re working with, think about getting into this relationship before you fall head over heels with them.  If they are a hunk or bombshell, it’s possible they may be more used to starting up relationships or have a higher risk tolerance than you.   

While a large percentage of companies don’t have policies against dating those you work with, some do and you should read your company manual first.  If you’re in the clear with the company policy, that doesn’t mean you still can’t be considered irresponsible or negligible with your work product.  Once folks find out you are in a relationship (and there’s a strong likelihood they will no matter how you try to conceal  it), you could be a center of gossip and your productivity perceived as poor, even if you’re trying hard to not have it be affected.

Consider giving your desire a waiting period, such as three months, before taking any actions to move it forward.  Weigh the pros and cons. 

I myself have had a few of these situations in my young work career.   (Fortunately, I’m not alone in this.  See Vault’s 2010 Office Romance Survey)  In one case, it was not so much that this guy was a hunk, but his senior position and interest in me regrettably provoked my attraction to him at the time.  It was short-term and embarrassing, but mostly for me.   Then I had to continue to work in the same office daily — awkward.

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This past Sunday I drove to my husband’s office with him and helped him decorate it in a theme of his choosing for his company’s Spirit Week – a time of the year in which the employees of his law firm have some team play time. 

We had fun removing a few extra chairs and creating a whole beach and picnic scene that garnered lots of response from his co-workers when they arrived Monday morning.  For example, one person said, “Wow!  Over the top, great!” and another said, “Cool.  Why didn’t I think of that?”  While a third said (eyeing the picnic basket), “I know where I’ll be spending my lunch hour!”

And all because my husband jumped in the game…despite being the only one in his office who did.  (There are two offices and some of the employees in the Irvine office did participate).  This was disappointing to Joe, but hasn’t deterred him from planning what he’ll wear for the other days where employees were asked to dress up in themed costumes.  Today was “The 80′s” and he looked classic in his courdouroy pants, white sports t-shirt with 3/4″ colored sleeves, boat shoes and Member’s Only jacket, when he left this morning.

When specific activities will boost morale and be fun to participate together in, why don’t employees do it?  Are they too embarrassed to show a personal side of themselves?  If it’s “too much hassle” I have to wonder what it’s like to work with the same people daily and how they show their appreciation of each other. 

Though exposing a ”real” side of yourself to others in a work environment can seem too personal, if you’re willing to stick your neck out and connect, others will follow suit.  By my husband continuing to stay in the spirit of the week, more folks joined in at both offices, figuring if he could show that playful side of themselves, so could they.  

Do you feel any resignation in your work and interaction with others and, if so, what can you do to change this?  Perhaps you can suggest a spirit week!

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