Often life can take that unexpected twist in the road, you can fall short of your expectations, or something as simple, but intrusive, as catching a cold can interrupt your plans.  It seems these things happen just when you have a project due or a big event to attend.

In my case, my recent cold prevented me from attending a 60th bash for the only sister-in-law on my husband’s side of the family, and it was a somewhat formal affair we’d been looking forward to.  I had to stay home from the out of town event and despite just wanting to crash, I spent a good part of the first morning  cancelling and rescheduling appointments, just to allow me the downtime to get well.

In the past, I’d have fought being laid low and would try to squeeze in as much as I could anyway.   However, I’ve been learning from my past blunders in doing this it only prolongs my sick time and I knew that bouncing back more quickly meant surrender and acceptance of how things were now. (more…)

Having just had another birthday, I am wanting to moan and groan and say, “not another one,” or “who likes to get older?” but instead I’m greatful for all the lessons and, I hope, wisdom that has come along with it.

Workwise for women, does age still presents problems?  It depends on the industry, some are more women-friendly than others, but women are making more headroads everyday, including making more salary than men in some jobs.  As an entrepreneur, there are at least as many, if not more, opportunities.

Betty Skelton shares this birthday month with me. She’s considered the “First Lady of Firsts,” a three-time women’s international aerobatics champion, she set two world light plane altitude records as a stunt flyer, she became the first female test driver in the auto industry and the first woman to drive an Indy car – hitting 145 mph in a beefed-up Corvette.  So if Betty, who was born in 1926, can do these things, then the only thing stopping YOU is YOU.

And if you think you’re too old to learn something new, begin a new life balancing practice, change your direction or integrate a discipline of self-coaching, it’s my belief each new age is an apprenticeship we must learn to live fully and find the many kernals of gratification within them, feeling neither sorry nor boastful for those who worry and try to rekindle their lost youth.  Instead, we can be positive examples, living the most of the gift of time that’s left.

We welcome home our new pup. Here is our “Tula” (balance in Sanskrit).

Last night I dreamt a tiger attacked me and two other women after our successful achievement.  Crowds waited to cheer us on, yet we were being taken to a hospital.  My associates were carried on stretchers and I walked into the ambulance.  It was then I noticed I had just a few marks on my leg and didn’t feel very hurt.  I remembered when the tiger attacked me, I had been strong and told it to leave me alone.

While I’m not facing any dramatic challenges at this time, the dream did make me think of past times where a person or situation brought up conflicting views and I felt challenged or threatened.   

Clients have come to me who are thinking to leave their job because of someone “negative” they work with.   While certain people will bring out a fierce spirit in you when their words or actions seem unjust or unwarranted, you are capable of reflecting back a patient, self-control to soften your communication style with them.  This can guide your feelings to a safe and manageable place.  Wouldn’t you rather do this than feel they are swinging you by your tail?

It’s at these times it’s important to reflect on those who listen to you and support you.  You are loved and appreciated by many, so why worry about the slights of one or two?  And if you have to work alongside someone with a challenging personality, your ability to find some kernal of goodness or positive quality in them, even if it’s how they handle something you’re not involved with, is a very useful method of helping you accept them and keep your focus on more important matters.

You can “have a tiger by the tail” if you put your situation in perspective and handle yourself well.  You’ll feel successful, happy, more in control of your situation, and able to walk away unscathed on your terms when you’re better prepared.

It occurs to me my mother should be writing this instead of me, after all, she raised eight children and was often left at home with us all while Dad worked outside the home, so I know I’ve gleaned some of this wisdom from her.   Thus, one cause for feeling unsettled, surrounded by crazy people, or trapped, is what occurs in your environment.  It could be there is excessive noise, super high-energy, a sense of confusion or chaos, or different behavior styles present.  (We used to say visiting our home when we all lived together was “like being at grand central station”).  

At other times your upsets can be driven by time pressures (self-imposed or imposed by others), strong differing views with others, your own fixated limiting beliefs or your attachment to things being another way than how they are.  There are certainly many challenges to maintain a focused, balanced, and calm approach to living.

So whether it’s a work or home situation, or even someone(s) who are contributing to your lack of peace, here are four ways I’ve found to center myself and help me deal with my situation to maintain my sanity:

1.  Take a walk or ”bathroom break”.  When you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, frustrated or confused—even forced to make a decision you’re not ready to make—politely step away and say you’ll return in a moment, “you need to use the restroom.”  If you can’t got outside for some fresh air, you can actually go sit in the bathroom and compose yourself or your thoughts.  It’s amazing how even a short break can restore you, helping you feel centered and able to better cope with your situation.

2.  Listen more than talk (or defend)  If you’re interacting with someone and finding your energy becoming depleted or you find yourself getting caught up in defending your point of view, stop and actively listen instead.  Best not to use this silent time to gather your ammunition and prepare your next attack, instead use the silence to stay present to their words, breathe deeply from your lower belly to relax yourself, and wait till they stop and ask for your input.

3.  Set another talk time  It’s tough to be “polite” and remove yourself from a conversation when you feel irritated, wronged or even set on clarifying your view.   If you wait till you get entrenched in these emotions, it will often end poorly.  Instead, look for gentle ways to end the conversation and begin it later when you feel more grounded and ready to have it.  If you aren’t having a conversation where you are mutually respecting one another and giving time to share and listen to each other’s views, then try saying, “This isn’t the best time for me to have this conversation, and I’d like to talk with you about this _____.”  (offer “in an hour”, “tonight after work,”  “tomorrow afternoon” some reasonably specific timeframe to regroup and continue after you’ve both had time to gain some necessary perspective.

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