Why do we frequently and repeatedly dismiss simple wisdoms, the inner guided messages that we get that are obviously for our own good?  Messages such as, “Don’t stay up late, you’re already tired and have to get up early tomorrow,” “Don’t ask him about it now, wait till a better time when he can give you his attention.”  Or, they can be as basic a message as “Drink more water, you’re dehydrated.”  You might call these common sense messages – yet, we commonly ignore them.

Humans appear as beautiful fractals of nature, seemingly unable at times to change their behavioral patterns.

But most often, not changing what we know is best for us, is a result of exercising our habit for instant gratification.  We’re short-sighted and not concerned about the eventual repercussions…as evidenced by the historical and political problems that consistently repeat themselves.  But more often, it’s because we haven’t formed habits that make us want to self-correct. (more…)

I have often heard my clients saying, “I just want to make a difference,” or “I want my next career to make a contribution.”  This morning I found myself pondering these expressions, which have become a kind of catch phrase for “doing something worthwhile.”  Here are some other elaborations they offer and I see their answers vary, but have a theme:

- doing something that I really love
- doing something that better utilizes my skills and talents
- doing something that makes me feel good about how I spend my time

I don’t often hear the contribution component leading the discussion, because most of us have our attention on what will make ourselves feel we did our right work here on this planet.

When my husband has heard me say that beyond coaching I want to contribute more, he’s suggested I use my spare time to volunteer at a career center or he’ll tell me to forget my additional pursuits being career related at all and go volunteer part-time with any charity.  I’ve had to face the truth and decide if I’m willing to authentically contribute of myself.  It isn’t about showing up more in my career or adding to my portfolio, sharing my expertise, doing something to make additional revenue, feel successful, or even to be noticed or appreciated.  Contribution is the gift of giving. (more…)

I know, we don’t think taking a few pencils at work is a crime.  In fact, we may find any number of smaller acts of taking what doesn’t belong to us as justifiable.  It’s not.  It’s theft, and it causes an estimated 50 billion a year loss to U.S. companies.  Dan Cosgrove of Mercantile Systems that provides such research data to a variety of industries, says they notice a five-fold increase in employee stealing at holiday time.

For further clarity on what is considered “theft” and, if you’re an employer, how you can screen employees to better safeguard your company, is discussed in this article by Dianne Shaddock.

This blog is written to all the other employees who witness such behavior and aren’t sure what to do about it.  I’ve had a few clients who have been concerned about such behaviors and asked me how they should address this.  Their reactions range from getting caught in the middle of a firestorm they don’t want to be part of, feeling they’re not perfect and don’t want to come off as holier than though, to worry about losing a friendship over something “so insignificant.”

If this happens to you and you don’t say anything, you’re taking part in the crime too.  So here’s a few ways you can handle this:

1.  Be sure you saw what you saw.  You would not want to cause a problem for someone who is innocent.  (See the movie Doubt, with actress, Meryl Streep, and you’ll experience what it’s like to be falsely accused).  Sure, none of us are perfect, but that doesn’t excuse allowing unethical and illegal actions because we don’t want to be called on our own behaviors.
2.  You can’t allow your own frustrations about company politics or work inequalities to taint your exposing the truth or give you justification for not taking positive action.  Treat a matter of theft or wrongdoing that you witness as unacceptable and be courageous to deal with it.  And true friendships are also about helping each other to make wise, safe and ethical choices. (more…)

It’s not just Halloween that can bring out the goulish nature of folks.  You probably don’t often run into true diabolical, wicked or evil people, but you may run into difficult or cruel people at times.  How do you handle those who you need to interface with for personal or business reasons who behave this way?

1.  Don’t take their behavior personally. Easier said than done, but instead, catch yourself and remain calm without reacting.  Let them say or do what they want (as long as they’re not hurting you, and if they are, get immediate help).  Remember it’s their issues and you will do best not to fuel their fire if you listen and don’t comment while they’re spewing.

Some folks mismanage their anger and spew often, while others are bottled up and need to get things off their chest periodically, but do this inappropriately.  It’s likely it’s not really about you, but you just got in the line of fire.  Your  silence let’s them clear out what they have to say so you can then have their listening to suggest changes.   Give them the floor to talk till they’ve said all they need to and their anger will dissipate. (more…)

Are you an excessive worrier?  Do you second-guess decisions and worry over potential outcomes?  Most often this is learned behavior from interpretations you made during interactions with one or both of our parents when you were a kid.  You don’t have to live with this fearfulness about bad things happening.  It is something you can change.

Most of my clients have some level of anxiety over their current situation, whether it’s about their personal or business relationships, career uncertainty or finances, etc.  (Rarely do upsetting situations present long term, or they would be better served through therapy).  They find a solution first and then fine-tune it with me during coaching or they gain that clarity and take new actions during our coaching time.

Again, the origin of their habit of deep seated or ongoing concern is at home with their parents as a child.  So it’ll pop up with another challenge or problem they face unless they permanently change the way they view life.

A quick and sure method to remove this fear and create an opening for choices without conditions is with the Positive Thinking Way program. Originated through the Lefkoe Institute, training through them has led me to do my work in this area with clients worldwide.

A starter method of self-coaching you can use with yourself ongoingly whenever you feel worried or upset, is to ask yourself these two questions: (more…)