A sister recently visited from Minnesota and she noticed how the street bumps – at least we’d called them ”bumps” for years when we were growing up – now seemed to be called, “humps.”  We laughed over how things change. 

When I told this to my husband, he asked if I’d noticed there are two different kinds of speed reducing payment grades.  I thought about it and realized I had.  There was the really steep ones I’d seen on public streets and around buildings, such as the post office, and then there were ones I’d seen which were slightly shallower and smoother on top around my neighborhood. 

So in fact, there are both humps and bumps.

This difference I’d missed got me to thinking about the assumptions we often make in life and how easy it is to speed by subtle differences, nuances, distinctions and so forth.  My sister and I automatically made the assumption that the street bumps were now called humps because they looked similar and served the same purpose.  Then we discovered they aren’t the same and have a slightly different purpose.  Street bumps are used in higher, often tighter traffic areas and are steeper to be a real wake up call if you take them at a fast speed.  The message being a more pronounced, “Danger.  Slow down!”

How often do you assume you already know something before taking a closer look?  Do you sometimes take actions that you have to undue because you missed a few things?  I’m sure you’ve had the experience of finding out after spending a lot of time doing something one way that there was a simpler way you could have done it that didn’t occur to you.  But then you never stopped to consider it, or ask anyone, you just assumed you knew and took action.

Try stopping and giving it a little thought the next time you find yourself thinking “Oh, I know this - this is the way.”  You may be surprised to discover you have something you could learn about it.

…You have tried and tried, for days and even years to work things out.  You’ve even got help.  But you’re still stuck. 
…There are good times, but there are mostly bad ones.
…You don’t think anyone can possibly know what you’re going through—and you feel alone.
…It seems like your world is crashing in on you, but you have to act as if it’s not to others you don’t want to worry.
…You feel trapped in your routine and can’t imagine how to find time to figure out next steps.
…You know you deserve something more, but you can’t help focusing on why you got yourself in this situation in the first place, and figure you must be to blame.  You think you are the one that needs to fix things. 
…Etc. Etc.

I had a client once who, while working on her career changes, kept mentioning how her husband wouldn’t support her making the work changes she needed.  She worked harder than he did, she said, and he was irresponsible with handling their money, yet he had the final say on how their money would be spent.  He doled out her meager allowance—from the money she made.  She was intelligent and competent, but somehow she felt he knew what was better for them than she did.

Since these concerns of hers continued to crop up in our coaching sessions, I suggested she make a firm commitment to talk with her husband about these matters and we talked about questions she might ask and we role-played a possible conversation.  I let her know that not dealing with her marital problems was inhibiting her career movement that she came to me for and more importantly, that she owed it to herself to be happy and live a fulfilled life.  I asked her if she felt it was time to decide whether or not to stay in the marriage and work on it, or not and she agreed it was.  

A few days later she emailed me that she was firing me for “telling her she should get a divorce,” something I never did.  Perhaps this action she took gave her a momentary sense of control and power over her life, but it no doubt didn’t change her relationship problems.

(more…)

Okay. Honestly.  Did you really blow it that badly?  Can you can fix your mistake or try something else  to move on?  There are often other options.  And, if not, you can always acknowledge your errors and make the best of it.  

Maybe it’s time you remember how to lighten up and not take yourself so seriously, from little to big things that seem to go wrong, or not as you expected.  It doesn’t take a few hours, a day, or a week from now to put it behind you, it can really take a moment..and this spoken from a woman who continues to remind herself of this daily – trust me!

When I was in Japan many years ago I noticed how the Japanese people often differed in how they react to things from the ways I’ve learned in our western culture.  For example, when I was at an outdoor music concert listening to some fun marching music, I couldn’t keep my body still while those around me sat motionless, their expressions seemingly blank, but certainly enjoying it in their own way.   More interesting was noticing when things there went awry…

I was on a train near Osaka and saw a group of young business men sitting together and when one of them stood up, he accidentally banged his head hard on the overhead luggage rack.  The other men laughed and the hurt man rubbed his painful head and gradually moved back into conversation with them.  I thought at the time that this was cruel treatment of their friend, but perhaps that was their form of soothing him, since it did bring him back into the group more quickly.  

You’ve known someone who has teased you or tried to lighten you up during a difficult situation and chances are, like me, you were more focused on being angry or wanting to hang out longer in the mire of your upset.   Scientific brain studies have shown us there are undeniable positive effects of laughter in terms of our social, mental, and physical well-being.   So what if instead, we laugh about things more and join with others in laughter? 

Forgotten how to laugh?  Check out this website:  If these babies laughing  don’t do it for you, you may need to take a course in laughter, rent a funny movie, or go tickle a baby yourself!

Today I was scanning a twelve page document to email to someone who didn’t have a fax.  On page eleven I somehow hit the wrong button and exited out of the document.  I was unable to pull up the scanned pages again; obviously my work had been erased.  I had been culling through my book shelf and pulling out dated books to get rid of at the same time and was distracted.  The joke on me was that I thought I was saving time by doing two things at once.  

But, I was getting more done, right?  Wrong.  Due to my unwillingness to sit patiently while I handled the scanning project in front of me, I lost the entire project and another half hour of my time starting again.  Both projects required similar brain channels rather than different ones, such as if one task was verbal and the other visual.  According to experts that was making my ability to focus on both a real challenge.  (Read more about how doing tasks that use entirely different brain channels can be done simulatenously: In Defense of Distraction)

So not all multitasking is inefficient.  If you’re walking to your office and notice along the way something that goes there, then it makes sense to pick it up and bring it with you.  But conducting two separate projects that divide your attention in opposing ways, is self-defeating and frequently leads to errors.  Rather than stumble into this problem again, I’ve decided to stop and ask myself if what I want to do next can simply wait a few minutes.  Or, does it have to get done simultaneously and, if so, am I willing to run the risk of error or wasted time if I can’t align my focus.

You can align your focus using your executive function, or self-control mechanism, of your brain and redirecting your attention.  But it isn’t an unconscious decision and can require hyperfocusing your energy to get both accomplished well.  Studies are being  constantly done to find the way the brain behaves best.  But it’s important to gauge the benefits or problems of multitasking for you.

Where have you found yourself redoing tasks because your focus wasn’t on it fully in the first place and how often does that occur vs. saving time and energy multitasking?

The Miracle is You: Kute Blackson, courtesy of Youtube.com 5:38 min.