I own a really cute pair of shoes that I wish fit me, but they don’t.  They never have.  I bought them knowing they were tight and thinking I could have them stretched to fit.  Never mind that my baby toes were squeezed or that three toes were sticking out a little too far through the small open toe area.  You have to understand, the shoes were so stylish, the two-toned colors matched several of my outfits, the price was reasonable, and I needed shoes to go with my outfit.

My desire to have what I wanted right then overshadowed my best decision barometer and put me in a followup series of bad decisions.  The first was when I bought them.  Then I went to the shoe store and paid to have the shoes stretched and rubber taps put on the bottom.  I rushed the cobbler, as we were leaving for the weekend event the next day.  I wore my pretty shoes around the house while I got ready for us to leave, telling myself they’d stretch some more.  I brought along another plain pair of shoes just in case, though I was sure I wouldn’t need them.

An hour into the event had me hobbling a good distance to my hotel room in bare feet to change out these painful shoes for the comfy ones I’d brought along.  I applied bandaids to give extra cushioning to my reddened baby toes.  What a welcome relief, as I placed my wounded feet into shoes less squishy and then returned to the event having much less attention on my feet.  

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While trying to stay optimistic about the rushed feeling that always accompanies the end of the year, the feeling that there’s still lots to do and not enough time to get it done, money to make it happen, or energy to do it, your evil twin sister might emerge to complain, confuse and offer contradicting views.  My inner “Griselda,” acerbically speaks at times and offers versions of the following 12 Days of Christmas.  See if you see your evil twin in this…

1. A partridge in a pear tree – no, no partridge, no bird at all in the tree – or the oven for that matter. Since there’s also little money growing on your tree.  Cut out extras; forget stocking stuffers.  If you hold off on presents, maybe you can take off to Bali for a real Christmas.

2.  Two turtle doves - are you kidding?  You can’t take in any more animals, you can barely remember to feed the fish (let alone kids).  Find a dog walker and then maybe you can finally take in that cuddly puppy Rover…or on second thought, consider how you can earn extra holiday mula, like, maybe you can walk the neighbor’s dogs.

3.  Three french hens – what’s with the animals?  You’ve got plenty to do already with taking care of yourself and your immediate others.  You still have to figure out your trip to your family, where you’ll share all that lovey-dovey cheer and your badly wrapped presents.  Just keep the French hens and you can return them to Paris yourself.

4. Four calling birds - you might be hearing calling, but it’s not birds.  It’s your goody-two-shoes self trying to butt in and tell you to get the main things done and don’t worry about the rest.  Don’t listen.

5.  Five golden rings – you wish!  You don’t even clean the one you have.  The only rings you have to deal with are the rings around your kitchen sink and tub.  Then there’s the several closets of junk, old clothes and stuff in your storage room, paper stacks that are just too much to go through and sort.  So, just toss it all out. 

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It’s inevitable—there will be times when you open your mouth and out will pop something you recognize an instant later as something inappropriate.  (“Hmmm – where did that come from, it’s not what I meant to say,” or worse, ”that came out terrible.”)   I recently had lunch with a friend who had just shared how she’s in the Alchohol Anonymous program and as they proceeded to share other wonderful positive steps they’re taking in their life, I raised my water glass to toast them and said, ”I hadn’t known of your achievements beforehand or I could have been toasting you with champagne.”  (Huh?  Did I say that?)

Then there were the two times I asked my dear friend how her parents are, when she had already told me on two separate occasions that her mother had already passed. 

Sometimes we just have foot in mouth disease, no matter how temporary it is, and we have to acknowledge our mistakes aloud.  In the first case I just stammered, “well, maybe I could have toasted you with sparkling cider,” but even that seemed a little awkward.  

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Recently I was at the movie theater and afterwards went to the restroom. I walked into a bathroom stall and soon after I heard someone enter the stall next to me. She said, “Hi Laurie! It’s Patricia.” I was surprised someone had spotted me and replied aloud, “Oh, hello…which Patricia is this?” She replied, “Um-huh. Yeah, I can be there by 10:00.” I realized, sheepishly, that Patricia?whoever she was?was on the phone with someone else and wasn’t talking to me at all. Needless to say I scurried out of the restroom in case I was spotted as the woman talking to the wall.

My husband and I had a good laugh at this. But actually it was a little lesson in not making it mean anything more me than the fact that I’d made a silly, honest mistake and it was indeed a coincidental happenstance with our similar names. Even so, there are many things I’ve done where I’ve felt higher levels of my own foolish behavior. Yet that’s one of the many positives about aging, that these kinds of things begin to matter far less.

If you catch yourself doing something goofy, how do you regard it? Do you say, “that was dumb of me,” or do you cut yourself some slack?