With job security not so secure these days, bucking authority in your job could lead to job layoff.  Employees don’t want to be fired. so their suppression and even fear of their boss leads to feeling undervalued and ultimately job dissatisfaction.  Even entrepreneurs need to know the when and how of conversations in critical business relationships.  So how do you know when you can speak up or when it’s best to be quiet? 

If you’re a manager, director or supervisor, chances are you’ll have more opportunity for input than someone further down the chain.  But not always.  Some bosses have a great need to control and if you’re an excellent employee doing well they may feel inadequate next to you, even try to undermine your efforts, as well as not listening to your input.  If you’re confident in your self, your job role and the tasks at hand, then consider the following:

1.  Can you risk losing your job?  You should always have a minimum of three months salary saved in your bank account that’s enough to cover all expenses at any time.   This is security in many senses, including a useful backup should you decide to change jobs.  If you don’t have those finances, consider what other recourse you could rely on, should you be fired.  This is a risk that you’ll be taking, but take it with advance preparation.

2.  How important is your boss’s influence and interactions with you regarding your job performance and job satisfaction?  While no one should work in negative surroundings, if you have little interaction with your boss and recognize it’s their general style of communication, you may decide to leave matters lie and not contest their behavior.  A simple straight and directly spoken comment such as, ”John, I hear you and I’ll take care of it,” may get the point across.  However, if you can pleasantly smile it off, and go about your business, then this is obviously a first and easier approach.

3.  Is this a particularly bad time for your boss personally or professionally?  We all have periods of our life that are better or worse.   It’s possible he or she is dealing with a personal crisis you’re unaware of.  See what you can find out without talking with them directly and consider if you can wade through a short-period with them that may be difficult, yet you know the high tides will soon recede and your boss will return to his/her professional demeanor.

4.  Is this behavior matter or the misunderstanding with your boss, an ongoing problem?  If your boss is continually misunderstanding you, being brusque or disrespectful to you, any person with self-respect needs to communicate that this kind of behavior towards them is unacceptable.  If you have first pleasantly and professionally modeled you understand them and will take care of their request, but later their behavior toward you has not changed, then you have to speak up.  It’s very important that you don’t take their comments or behavior personally, whether they speak this way to everyone or just to you, yet this unprofessional and unkind behavior has to be addressed.

5.  Is the “coast clear” to talk with them?  If you’ve decided it’s time to speak up then don’t pick a time when they are just arriving, jumping on a phone call or trying to get out the door.   If you can ask them for a time to talk in advance, all the better.  Ask if they’d be willing to put their calls on hold for the 5-10 minutes you’ll need.  Don’t assume because it’s a good time for you, they can be present to hear what you have to say unless you’ve cleared the way first.  The expression, “Timing is everything,” came about for just this reason – so the deliverer could be sure his message could be heard and the recipient would have uninterrupted time to digest it.

6.  How is your emotional state?  Are you able to address the matter professionally, without breaking down in tears, bolting, getting angry, or even minimizing it once you sense their reaction isn’t positive?  Stand your ground here, but don’t be positional.  That is, your own listening and flexibility in communication with them is essential.   Clear the way once the conversation has begun by asking for them to listen first.  Let them know you’ll welcome their comments after you’ve had your say.  Stay out of defensive comments.  Stick to the facts and don’t react to their defensiveness either.  Make clear requests about another way of communicating that could be more supportive and beneficial.

7.  In the past when I’ve had a tough tiger by the tail, I’ve assumed the role of supportive teammate, letting the boss know how much I respect them and their commitment, including the tasks before us.  Now, move in with power questions that can throw them slightly offguard and maybe even question the approach they’ve been taking with you. For example, “I know you feel you need to check up on me and the work I’m doing.  But I respect you and am dedicated to our work here, so how can I demonstrate to you that I’m aligning with you and getting the job done you asked for?”

8.  No one gets things done with others by being self-righteous or proclaiming their experience and talents.  In other words, you may have no power to have them disattach from you by telling them you’re handling it.  More than using words, effective communication is about how you’re being when you say things.  As hard as it might be to stand up to someone who is a difficult person, do your best to look them straight in the eye when making any requests, such as, “Bill, I hear what you’re saying and I want you to trust me that I’ll get the job done and relay things back to you along the way.  Okay?”  or even, “Cecilia, when you speak in that voice to me, it’s difficult to stay focused on what you’re asking for.  I understand that you want X done and I’ll get it done.  It’s helpful to me to know that you trust me in this and can talk with me calmly about it.  But if you have any specific concerns, I’m happy to discuss them with you.”

Of course, in some cases, no matter how well you handle your end of the communication, the other party is stuck in old habits and patterns of behavior.  In this case, find others who can handle portions of your communication to them, send faxes or short email replies, or leave messages on their office phone when you know they’re unavailable.  But of course, this is a temporary avoidance measure.  If you must work with them closely and they are consistently disrespectful and do not listen to your requests for changes, then it’s time to look for a new job.

Tags: boss behaviors, dealing with difficult people, working style

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 25th, 2010 at 10:06 am and is filed under Career Tips, Positive Beliefs and Behaviors. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.