Meeting the Expectations of Others
President Lincoln’s quote, “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time,” has been altered over time. We use this same quote but substitute ”pleasing people” for “fooling people,” maybe that’s because the person who continues to try to please everyone is a fool.
Failed expectations is one of three primary areas of breakdowns in relationships. (The others are thwarted intentions and undelivered communications), according to Landmark Education’s courses that I took about 25 years ago. Since then I’ve certainly had enough life experiences to prove these correct and to remain committed to nurturing quality relationships.
With that kind of commitment, I know I will also have to address less empowering relationships from time to time and learn ways to not lose my step in the face of any negative reactions from others.
In putting together my local women’s singing and network group for women (L.A. Choralettes), I had 15 spots to fill. I was chastized for narrowing the age field and one woman told me I was ”discriminating” and “soulless” because the group was only for mid-life women. While I tried to explain my sandbox is only so big and I chose to narrow the applicants to women in my own age group, some women understood and some did not.
My initial reaction was one of surprise at the harshness of a few respondents, isn’t that how you feel when others don’t get you when you know you’re intentions are clear and reasonable? It is especially difficult when others don’t seek to understand where you are coming from or get your choices, but instead verbally “attack” you. (see the kleenex box exercise for this, as written in my blog: 7 Tips to Disarm Upsets.
Some people cannot help but look to form opinions and take sides, condemn others’ actions, and buoy their own egos with a superior sense of themselves. Hopefully you won’t encounter too much of this. But if you’re taking risks, asserting yourself publically and making firm, leadership decisions, there will be dissention in the ranks and you won’t be able to satisfy everyone’s expectations.
Even so, high expectations can be a positive incentive to help you clarify your objectives and keep you alert to your true passions and purpose. As the American Engineer, Charles Kettering said, “High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation.”
Learn to be grateful when others are appreciative of you, yet don’t expect it. More importantly, rise to meet your own expectations. Simply know that from time to time you won’t have your ideas or approach accepted and don’t fight against it (remember the Lincoln quote above). Learn to address others’ upsets without causing yourself to get upset or get off course. Put your attention back on the loving, nurturing relationships you do have in your life and use that as fuel for maintaining your integrity in all matters.
Tags: failed expectations, meeting expectations, pleasing others, upsets
